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Swell & Good

Sunday, May 20, 2012

What would you do?

I'm a SAHM of an almost 14 month old. Our days are filled with play time, snacks, mealtime, diaper changes, chasing down the escapee, play groups, grocery shopping, and if I am lucky...household chores! It seems my hubby thinks I should be able to clean the whole apartment and have it perfect everyday. For all those other SAHM's are you able to get everything clean and perfect? Does your hubby ever get mad that things are messy or dishes aren't done every day? Is it just me that can't find the time to keep up with a 14 month old and do all the chores? How do you deal with times that your hubby watches the kids and he leaves toys, books, a food covered tray and other dishes, etc. out but gets on to you for the same thing? I'm trying to figure out how to even respond to my hubby's issues he brought up today when he doesn't bother to clean up when he is on childcare duty for just a couple of hours! So suggestions?


  1. It's a bone of contention with my and my hubby. The house is never clean enough, in his view. It's a hard line to toe at times. I've started a daily cleaning schedule, which is now out of wack with my returning to work.
    Monday: vacuum
    Tuesday: kitchen and take garbage out
    Wednesday: living room/dust
    Thursday: bathrooms
    Friday: bedrooms

    It helps a bit - I tidy each night because cleaning the house with kids is like shovelling when it's still snowing.

    As for when my hubby doesn't do anything when I'm at work.... I bite my tongue. It's hard to do especially since they expect us to do it but can't seem to figure it out themselves. I now leave him a to-do list of 2-3 things to get done. It's the only way he might remember to get it done, and even then it's 50-50.

    Just breathe and remember: a dirty house is the sign of happy children :-)

    1. Thanks for your words! It's tough to get through to my hubby and if I say something he will think I am attacking him and get even more mad. :(

      Its tough to figure out how to ge the dishes, vacuuming, and tidying up before he gets home and have dinner ready too! *sigh*

  2. I firmly believe in the whole, "...clean house, happy children..." thing, but I have to admit that on most occasions I have an unhappy house AND unhappy children, though now that my children are all in school it is a getting just a little bit better. As for husbands, mine has always been pretty great about not being the typical guy who expects everything to be done. Until he WASN'T that guy anymore. There were about three years when I am pretty sure that we hated each other. I always wondered how women whose husbands DEMANDED that they do all of the "typical" wifely things were able to function when I was barely able to function even without that added pressure. When my husband became a nicer version of that type of husband, it almost broke us. New moms (which as far as I'm concerned includes the time from birth to age five--and starts over every time a new child is born...) are so hard on themselves as it is--they don't need outside people adding to their insecurities. That said, it has to be hard for these husbands who have absolutely no idea what it is we are going through considering the fact that WE don't even know what we are going through half the time...
    I'm sorry--I'm ranting--I do that! Please don't be too hard on yourself. This is truly the most difficult job ever. We are all told that our entire lives, but cannot even begin to comprehend what that truly means until we are in it. It is worse for mothers because we are unable to turn off our brains EVER and we worry about EVERYTHING ALL the time. Couple that with hormones and lack of's a wonder ANY of us are able to do it!
    Stay strong and hang in there--it DOES get better. Different, but better. You would be surprised at what one solid night of sleep can do for a person. You won't know for a few years (until then it will only happen periodically--in a few years it will happen more regularly),but it will be WONDERFUL and well worth the wait!
    I hope this makes even the slightest bit of sense and that it is even the slightest bit helpful. This is the result of too many years without sleep!

  3. I have learned that Man and Woman function so differently, I am not a SAHM mom but there has been times when my mom cannot watch the kids and he has to stay home with them. I just set my mind set that I will come home to a messy house, the majority of men cannot multi task. I have stopped expecting to find a clean house when he watches the kids. He just has to understand that sometimes it is not easy to do everything, I would suggest is a nice manner bring it up and tell him " you know how hard it is to have a clean house while watching our kids"
    Good luck, stopping by from the Monday Mom Blog Hop

  4. I will share an opposite view. I (the mom) work full-time, my husband works part-time and stays home with the kids during the other times. I do not expect a clean house when I get home, but I expect that dishes are washed and things are at least picked up. Otherwise I have to do it when I get home. I also expect that he at least vacuums a few times a week. It is frustrating to me when he is home most of the day and I work 8-9 hours then have to come home to a messy house!

  5. I was pretty behind on reading your blog...anyway, have you resolved any of this yet or is it still an ongoing issue? I think some of it for him may be still adjusting to having an active little boy, my husband was annoyed with too many toys and things like that mainly for the first year and then after awhile I think he came to terms with the fact that he had a kid who wanted to play and his house wasn't going to look like a "grown up" house any more :) One tip I have for dinners if he is that annoyed with dishe is using the crock pot if you can, gets it ready in the a.m. so you can clean stuff up and not have the pile of dishes to deal with later in the day. Just something I've had to do more having a fussy little girl whenever i want to make dinner! If it's not the crock pot then it's usually I'm preparing something an hour or two before he will get home and just have to keep it warm/throw it in the oven later. Hopefully if you just give it time he'll figure it out since if you have more kids it's not going to get any easier!